Mayor Adams to Take Tonight Off: ‘I’m a Bit Tired,’ Hizzoner Says

Please note: This story, posted at 12:01 a.m. on April 1, was an April Fool’s satire.

Mayor Adams told a stunned city press corps this morning that he intends to “have a quiet evening at home” tonight on the first of April, the first time since taking office that the mayor has not attended at least three events or two events and one all-night rager.

“I know I told Colbert that, ‘If you’re going to hang out with the boys at night, you have to get up with the men in the morning,’ but when I went back and looked at the transcript, I realized I didn’t really know what that meant. But the men need one night of sleep every month. And tonight is the night.”

The mayor added that he would allot himself six hours of sleep — one more than his usual five — tonight.

“By tomorrow — reminder, that’s Saturday, and I expect all my commissioners to brief me on what I missed while I was sleeping — I’ll be back and ready to get stuff done,” the mayor said.

Hizzoner said he would likely leave City Hall at around 7 p.m. tonight.

“That means I can be in Fort Lee, I mean Gracie Mansion, by 8, have something to eat, and sleep from 9 p.m. until 3 a.m., so I can get up and check my Bitcoin prices on the Nikkei and start cross-pollinating.”

The mayor has been keeping a breakneck schedule in his first three months in office (a representative day’s schedule is to the right). Former Mayor de Blasio told Streetsblog that he’s been impressed by his successor’s energy and use of public transit, two things that eluded the former mayor.

“I used to get up with the men in the morning, but the men in my metaphor were those guys who played in the Slacker Softball League in Prospect Park, so we usually didn’t get up til 10,” de Blasio told Streetsblog. “And as is well known, I had a cot in my office at City Hall.”