Thursday’s Headlines: We Are So Bored We’d Watch Stephen Colbert Change a Bike Tire Edition

How bad is our self-quarantine going? After you’ve binge-watched all the classics — Gov. Cuomo’s daily “Why isn’t he running for president” sessions, Season 2 of “The Kominsky Method,” Game 6 — you kind of run out of things to do. Yesterday, we got so hungry for any kind of human companionship that we even watched CBS “Late Show” host Stephen Colbert change a bike tire.

It was mildly amusing. But the best part, of course, is pondering the notion of Stephen Colbert on a bike — as a massive white Cadillac SUV looms over him in the garage. (Stephen, that car is absurd! Set an example. There are children watching!)

In other news:

• There was a lot of coverage of the coronavirus stimulus package — but from where we sit, there’s not a lot of good news as Washington seeks to reward big corporations ahead of the rest of us. When it comes to transit, many pointed out that the MTA will get $3.8 billion to cover expected shortfalls, but it’s far too little (Politico, NYDN, WSJ). (Streetsblog’s Eve Kessler took a broader national view and concluded the same thing.)
• There was a tiny bit of good news: The MTA says it can make $10 million more per year just by instituting two-way tolling on the Verrazzano Bridge, which will begin by the end of the year. (Advance)
• We get it — boy, does our old man editor get it — you hate being alone. But, please, New Yorkers, stop hanging out so close to each other! (Gothamist)
• You cannot flip a car like this if you are observing the posted speed limit:

• Lots of people think Mayor de Blasio should close the playgrounds, but he’s not there yet. Oh, but he did put up signs to warn people how dangerous they are (NY Post). And he did remove some basketball hoops to thwart pick-up games (NY Post).
• We were happy to read that State Senate Minority Leader John Flanagan announced his retirement. Flanagan, you’ll recall, tried to block life-saving speed cameras, so he will not be missed in these pages. (NY Post)
• In case you missed it (we did!), the city is hoping to use idled taxi drivers to deliver groceries and other essentials to seniors during the crisis (NY1). That’s the least the city can do to support cabbies, who are having a terrible time right now, the Times reported.
• You gotta love this Queens Eagle story about a 102-year-old bike shop that was open during the Spanish Flu pandemic and is open now.
• Check out the Times’s story about the 1990 Happy Land Social Club fire, which killed 87 people. It’s not a “Streetsblog”-style story, but it was one of the first big events that our old man boss ever covered, so there’s that.
• Um, we don’t know, but is a Critical Mass ride this Friday such a good idea, health-wise?