Cuomo: I’ll Wrap Move NY After I Personally Collar the Killers

Citing the pressures of overseeing the manhunt for the two escaped Dannemora Prison convicts, Governor Andrew Cuomo today announced a suspension of negotiations to write and enact legislation implementing the Move NY toll reform plan.

“We were tantalizingly close to finalizing the bill,” the governor said from his North Country command post, “but they say the devil is in the details, and we’ve got to get this right.” Cuomo said he has instructed Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie and Senate Majority Leader John Flanagan to be on call to convene a special session to take up the toll legislation once the regular session adjourns next week.

“Contrary to what you may have read in the papers, I have no higher priority than to assure full funding for the MTA capital plan,” said the governor via satellite from an undisclosed location believed to be in upstate Clinton County. “The Move NY plan looks like the ticket to get us over the goal line while untangling traffic and curing toll inequities dating back a half-century,” he added, pledging to “get this done” before the July 4 holiday.

“But first,” he said, “I have to personally put these two criminals back behind bars.”

Cuomo brushed aside a suggestion that all his manhunt-related appearances would have no actual effect on the capture of the two escapees, while shifting his attention immediately to the MTA could profoundly improve the lives of millions of transit riders and strengthen the economic prospects of the entire state. “Can I fix downstate travel while keeping upstate safe?” Cuomo asked rhetorically. “Just watch.”

“With Move NY and a fully funded capital plan, we’ll transform upstate’s economy from prisons to pricing,” he predicted, signaling that the digital tolling system as well as new buses and train cars would be manufactured in the North Country.

“We’re gonna E-ZPass the killers straight into solitary,” said Cuomo, “and then bust the gap in the capital plan.”