Chrysler: Let’s Ruin America!

Looks like Chrysler has figured out a novel way to move their 2008 model gas guzzlers off the lot. Sign up for their new “Let’s Refuel America!” credit card and they’ll lock in the price of gas at $2.99/gallon for three years.

That’s right, it’s a 36-month guarantee that you don’t have to think about moving over to a more fuel efficient car, commuting by bus, lobbying your elected officials for a national passenger rail system or the fact that Chrysler is essentially writing checks to Saudi Arabia, Venezuela, Nigeria and Vladimir Putin on your behalf.

Before you rush out to purchase yourself a new, 13 mpg Dodge Durango and set up shop at the nearest pump as a gasoline reseller, you’d better read the fine print. The program caps the number of annual “price-protected gallons” that Chrysler will actually pay for. If I understand their “gallon allotment calculation” correctly (Charlie Komanoff, feel free to step in here and do some math), Durango owners get a maximum of 2,400 discounted gallons over three years. As for global warming, oil war, suburban sprawl and American economic disintegration, Chrysler is offering a lifetime guarantee.