City Transit Commuters: A Modest Assessment

Given some of the unfathomable declarations floated in the name of opposition to congestion pricing (“We have to do something about the pedestrians”), it’s hard not to wonder what goes on in the minds of those who so passionately reject any perceived infringement upon their “right” to clog the streets and poison the air for “free.”

Enter one Ken Klinger, whose recent letter to the Queens Gazette features probably the most generalized and bigoted characterization of New York City transit riders this side of John Rocker — pablum so awesomely over the top, you’ve almost got to wonder if it’s satire:

Next, there’s the commuters themselves, who make bus and subway rides
additionally unbearable by yelling into their cell phones or cranking
up the volume on their iPods so high that you feel like you’ve got on
headphones too.

Commuters’ manners are typically atrocious too. They cough without
covering their mouths, wipe their runny noses on their hands and
sleeves, and engage in a whole bunch of disgusting habits like picking
snot from their noses, wax from their ears, and dandruff from their
scalps, and then holding up and examining the nasty stuff, especially
if you happen to look their way for a moment.

For it almost seems as if commuters engage in these stomach-sickening
behaviors as a means of getting nearby commuters not to look at them,
in order to maintain a level of privacy, as I’ve begun to suspect,
partially in an effort to explain how they could possibly behave so
disgustingly, on average, without exhibiting any shame.

The author, who calls mass transit “the most miserable and unpleasant mode of transportation on Earth, outside of being shot out of a cannon,” continues:

Contrast this hellish environment to the comforts of commuting in a
car, with cushy seats, either by oneself or in company with an equally
civilized and reasonably sane passenger or two. Sure, there are
annoyances, too, associated with driving autos, like traffic jams and
radio DJs who never play any music, insisting on hogging the airwaves
with their high-strung, bigoted rants instead. Still, all things
considered, traveling into Manhattan by car is infinitely superior to
going by mass transit, and will continue to be so even when congestion
pricing goes into effect, as it most likely will.

What do you think? Is Ken Klinger for real? Or did the Queens Gazette — and Streetsblog — get taken for a ride? 

Thanks to reader “d” for the Onion link.